First blog post

This year I will be turning 50. The BIG 5-0!  With this comes many different things. Inhibitions are lessened, you appreciate the small things more and see the world just a little differently.  One thing I have noticed is that: Life is magickal!  It is all around us. You can see it in your children’s eyes, in a tree as the wind blows the leaves, walking along an undiscovered trail, the smell of a sweet wildflower, and in the laughter of a good friend.  I believe in the magick of these things. They can uplift  a weary soul and shed light onto a dreary day. I want to share with you what I find magickal through this blog.  Through photos and words, I hope to be able to bring some of this magick to you!

All too often we are brought down by the responsibilities as grown-ups as we dredge along through the daily grind. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have something to lift us up? Give us hope?  We won’t be without the struggles in our lives. Sadness will find us. Troubles will bring us down.  Work hard at finding the magick in simple things and letting go of the trappings of adulthood. See the beauty through the eyes of a child. Enjoy a sunset. Smell a flower. Breathe deep! See the MAGICK!

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Whirlwind

Up’s and Down’s like a raggedy rollercoaster soaring through the wind

Clickety, Clack, Clickety, Clack

Feeling out of control.

What is this whirlwind?

Afraid to raise your arms, mastered by anxiety of the unknown

Unable to define your emotions

Fear, excitement, elation, scared, uneasy, joy?

Terrified of taking that next step, worried about the sadness.

With it, the whirlwind brings deep sorrow and gloom – from where did it arise?

Like hurricane winds the emotions swirl about leaving me shattered

Pull myself from the dregs of this sorrow only to see brightness again.

Hang on! Hang on tight, for no one knows how long the respite will last

Before the next whirlwind ensues.

Have you ever had one of those days where you could wish your self away?

I wish I had more money.

I wish I were skinnier.

I wish I had a better job.

I wish my kids would behave.

I wish the weekends were longer.

We “wish” for so many things:  more time, less bills, more happiness, less sadness, more money, less problems. Why do this to ourselves? Let’s try to be happy in the moment and embrace all of the magickal opportunities we have each blessed day! Learn to appreciate what you DO have and when you do wish, wish good things for others. Wish for them happiness, health and balance in their lives. Wish for them for peace, friendship, and love.  Be happy for their successes and supportive during their losses. And be kind to yourself – stop wishing away your life. Be present! Be Magickal!

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Being Grateful

I remember the magickal smell of the yeast mixed with flour, poppy and sesame seeds at the ready, the kitchen so hot you were sweating, all waiting in anticipation for the big feast you would have later. It’s not the feast I remember. It is the time and effort, the love that my mom put into getting up early to start the turkey and make homemade rolls.  A dozen poppy seed, a dozen sesame seed. It took way too long for the dough to rise only to be kneaded again, and placed back in the bowl with a kitchen towel covering it. The waiting once more began. Impatience took hold.

Now, I wish I could wake up in the morning and smell those familiar smells of Thanksgiving and see my mom kneading the dough for her poppy and sesame seed dinner rolls. I miss those days, but I am grateful.  Grateful to have those memories of my mother in the kitchen making dinner with love for a family who didn’t know how to appreciate it. img_3461Now, I stand at the kitchen table prepping the turkey, homemade cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes with rolls. Trying to make loving memories as I cook dinner for my family, my mother, and still grateful for those cold, wintery days when the house smelled like fresh dinner rolls and turkey.

Be grateful for the memories you have. Hold on to them as they are precious and cannot be taken away from you. Remember the good in others.

Be grateful!

 

 

Yesterday I stood

Yesterday I stood outside, amazed at the beauty before me. A slight breeze blowing through the leaves of the trees, golden yellow flickering with the sun warming their faces as they whispered and giggled to each other – can you feel it?  The freedom to dance and sway to the music of mother nature. For they stand strong — ancient souls that repeat the cycle of birth, life, and death. We should be like those leaves — basking in the sun as it penetrates our skin, warming us to the bone. Giggling, whispering, loving and living gracefully adjusting as our season’s change.

Whispering leaves

There is Magick in the End of a Relationship Which Brings New Beginnings

Thank you!  Thank you to the man who broke my heart and ended our relationship! For in doing so I was able to find real love and realize I deserved better!  You showed me what I do not want in my life or my relationships with others.  Through the tears of heartache, disappointment, rejection, and guilt, I have a better understanding of what I want in my life, and what I deserve!

There is magick at work here – a special kind of MAGICK! I know I am worthy!

Through patience, kindness, love, compassion, tears, jokes, hugs, and laughter, not only helping me believe in myself but believing in me, Magick brought someone special into my life. Someone who could show me that I am important, that what I have to say is worth listening to. I am not chastised for breaking out into show tunes or dancing in the aisles at the grocery store. My silliness matches his. He looks into my soul and sees the real me and loves me for it. He walks through my mind and dances on my heart.  Magick abounds!

So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me go so I could experience this magickal time in my existence. This new beginning filled with togetherness, love, patience, laughter, and magick.

 

See the Beauty in All Things

Beneath the dark, admist the hollows of my soul, I search for a glimpse of joy. When trying to climb out of the dark recesses of depression and sadness, one must thrust themselves at even the tiniest hint of pleasure.  Being able to see the beauty in even the most minute aspect of life is important, but most difficult on the bleakest day. I try to grasp and hold on to any thing that brings me pleasure, knowing that it may be few and far between. A friend calling to say hello, the laughter of my grand daughters, a text from the one you love can bring some semblance of balance – the balance between good and evil.

I am learning to see the beauty in all things – even if it is through the tears. This past weekend I attended a wedding where much beauty abounded.  The bride in her wedding gown glowing with love and happiness, the sweet taste of wine on my lips, a soft breeze blowing over my face as the bride and groom said: “I Do!”, dancing to Justin Timberlake’s “Can’t Stop The Feeling,” the vibrant colors of a fall flower, and spending time with those who mean so much to me. Even the small things can be beautiful. Don’t overlook a kind gesture of a stranger, a smile as someone holds the door for you, the first leaf falling to the ground bringing old man winter close on its heels.  There are so many things to appreciate through all the pain and heartache.

Even in sadness, there is beauty.  We learn to appreciate the happy times when they do happen, and try harder to love those around us.  We care deeply and love hard. We feel everything exponentially. We see the beauty where others may not. We notice the little things.

See the beauty in all things.

“When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

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Vibrant colors taken on my cell phone.

Making Memories

The last two weeks I have been creating beautiful memories with my 76-year-old mother.  See, I took my mom on a trip to Ireland and Scotland. With all good intentions, I had a well-thought out plan – where we would go, what we would see and how much time we needed to drive between these different places.  But sometimes the best laid out plans don’t work.  We weren’t able to see as much as I had hoped and we had to take a much slower pace when site-seeing than I was used to.  However,  through this, I was able to see and appreciate, not only the scenery, history, and culture around me, I was able to appreciate the differences between my mother and me. This is not without saying that there were moments of impatience at her ability to talk to any stranger and turn a 2-minute conversation into a half hour dialogue, her slow walking pace, which forced me to not be in as much of a hurry, or the fact that she tired so much easier during the day.

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Despite what I considered set backs, we had a great time traveling together and we made some beautiful memories. Memories that will be with both of us for years to come — walking in the rain in Edinburgh and spontaneously stopping in a pub for our first pint of Guinness… gleefully sipping our drinks and listening to Scottish music.

 

Walking the cobblestone streets and hearing the sweet sound of bag pipes drifting through the wind, peaking our curiosity as to where they were coming from so we had to seek out their melancholy, sorrowful draw.

Bagpiper

Driving the curvy, winding country roads of the Scottish lands, mesmerized by the different shades of green, the serene hills, and the historic architecture of the fallen castles, Abbeys, and monasteries and catching a sunset in the seaside village of North Berwick.

Our Ireland adventures brought just as many amazing memories.   From the smell of the sea and deep earth, to the hustle and bustle of the city centre, each minute was filled with a plethora of astounding and breathtaking sites and sounds.

Through all of this, I learned more about myself and my mother. I realize that I need to be more patient. Be more patient, not only with her but with myself.  I want to ignore the fact my mother is aging and deny the feelings that I have when I think about losing her. I also learned that our parents can still embarrass us, even when we are adults but we shouldn’t be embarrassed, we should be proud. Proud that they can re-tell stories of our families history, or strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and make them giggle, or let this stranger know how proud they are of you when you think they don’t notice the things you are accomplishing.  I am thankful. Thankful to be able to take my mom on this trip to see places she has always wanted to travel to, to see the sparkle in her eyes when she listened to the bagpipes playing or touched the Irish soil.  These will be the memories that will stay enmeshed in my heart and forged on my soul.