I can no longer let the past rule me. It does not define who I am, yet shapes what I have become. Do not attach self-worth to past hurts, but learn how to overcome and be stronger because of them. I will be welcoming to new things and let true love enter into my soul, bringing light to all of the good that I am. I will learn to stop and take a minute to listen to my intuition, knowing when that “voice” speaks to me and paying attention. No longer will I allow others to frame how I am feeling — my reactions will come from love and understanding, rather than someplace of darkness and blame. Be kind. Be gentle. Be understanding. To others and to myself.
I remember the biting cold on the tips of my toes and fingers as I walked from house to house, ringing the doorbell and repeating the mantra – “Trick-or-Treat” more times than I could count. My nose was numb from the bone-chilling wind blowing in my face as I watched other kids participating in the Halloween festivities, wondering what kind of treats they were collecting, hoping I would go home with a bagful of my own treasure that would last me several weeks (if I didn’t make myself sick eating most of it that night). Always hoping that I would miss the houses that were giving out toothbrushes and apples. My go-to costumes were simpler than they are today: a gypsy (with lots of bracelets and hoop earrings) , a hobo (yes, with the bandana on a stick over my shoulder), a witch dressed in all black, perhaps a vampire with plastic fangs that wouldn’t stay in my mouth for longer than a few minutes and fake blood dripping from my mouth or the pirate with one eye patch and a hook for a hand. Regardless of what costume I chose for that year, Halloween or All Hallow’s Eve, was one of my favorite holidays. Pure excitement building up while putting on my costume and then running out of the house with a pillow case ready to collect as much loot as I could in the shortest amount of time before it got too cold and dark. Memories of many a Halloween bring back that feeling of anticipation as the month of October approaches.
I still feel that same excitement when October arrives marking summers end, the beginning of the fall season, apple-cider, Jack O’lanterns, changing leaves, baking and cooler weather. This time of year has a different meaning than when I was a child, however. It is the time of reflection of the year almost past and thinking about the new year slowly approaching, and what I want to accomplish in the remainder of the year. Even though I still enjoy a good Halloween party and dressing up, being scared just a little bit in a haunted house and indulging in too many sweets, I will take some time this year to have a little introspection on the end of this season and looking forward to starting a new one as the year comes to a close.
What does All Hallow’s Eve mean to you?
The definition of trust is “a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally.”
When trust is broken between two people, whether it be in a realtionship, a friendship, a co-worker relationship, or with family members, it can be difficult to repair. I have experienced loss of trust and have felt betrayed. Resentment sets in and the ability to forgive becomes harder, the unreachable element that seems far off in the distance. You find yourself looking for other forms of deceit, delving into things too deep and wondering where the next untrustworthy event will rear it’s ugly head. Once this seed is planted, it will grow and take over like unwanted weeds, choking out the goodness, love and light and will be filled with darkness. Harmful and self-sabotaging ways lead to finding things that aren’t there, or perhaps, that are. Make sure you can handle what may appear in front of you. Distrust is contagious.
In a world full of disposable relationships, jobs, friendships — it is difficult to truly fully trust others. Be careful. Take it slow. Make sure that those you put your trust in are worthy of that gift. Do not have blind trust. Don’t be gullible. Trust changes everything in profound ways.
Never give in. Never quit. Never give up! Start with the propensity to trust, and if trust is broken – try to rebuild it. Look at actions and not just words. If you broke someone’s trust in you, right those wrongs. Be trustworthy. Be forgiving. Earn it.
Lackluster, finite, gnawing ~ heavy weight inside ~ erroneous fault of mine
Soft whispering wind
Leading me down the pathway
Linking to the past
A granddaughter’s “I Love You”
A blooming flower.
Sunshine on my face.
Understanding in your lover’s eyes.
Memories inspired by a song.
An unexpected handwritten note.
A simple “Thank you.”
A hike alone in the mountains.
A hug just when you need one!
It’s the little things that bring joy.
I recently saw this short paragraph on depression and suicide and it resonated with me. For those who struggle with depression, the pain is real and it is a constant struggle.
“Speaking from the perspective of someone who has struggled with depression for most of my life, I can tell you that a 1-800 # is not going to fix it. A therapist is not going to fix it. Medication is not going to fix it. Many people find it so easy to say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but what many people don’t understand is that for some people (like me) depression is sometimes a lifetime battle that never truly goes away. When it hurts so much to live, you don’t think clearly. There are random moments of “happy”, but for some, our minds are just wired differently and our emotions are hyperssensitive. It doesn’t mean that all who have depression will ever act on it. It doesn’t even mean that life can’t still have some semblance of meaning. But, to think a simple phone call is the answer is being naive. To think suicide is a selfish act, is one opinion. But from someone who struggles with severe depression, I see it differently. I live only because of my extreme love for my daughter. I know how much she needs me. When I share my sadness, it’s not even a 100th of a percentage of the depth of how bad it can get, but I reach out now, because it does help to not have to face it alone. It’s a constant struggle. Show kindness always. Be considerate always. We all share this planet. None of us asked to be here. And there is so much beauty if we open our eyes to it, yet all around me, people are so self absorbed, and choose to complain about even the smallest things. They’re rude, and inconsiderate, when there’s no reason to be. There’s so much unnecessary pain and suffering in this world. It’s crazy. Just listen, and love, and don’t be frightened away by anything someone with depression has to say. They sometimes just need to be heard. Peace and love.”
Up’s and Down’s like a raggedy rollercoaster soaring through the wind
Clickety, Clack, Clickety, Clack
Feeling out of control.
What is this whirlwind?
Afraid to raise your arms, mastered by anxiety of the unknown
Unable to define your emotions
Fear, excitement, elation, scared, uneasy, joy?
Terrified of taking that next step, worried about the sadness.
With it, the whirlwind brings deep sorrow and gloom – from where did it arise?
Like hurricane winds the emotions swirl about leaving me shattered
Pull myself from the dregs of this sorrow only to see brightness again.
Hang on! Hang on tight, for no one knows how long the respite will last
Before the next whirlwind ensues.
There is nothing That stops my heart Or my wandering thoughts As the little hands Of a tiny heart, Upon my face To make me pay attention.
via That Little Hand — The Chatter Blog
I’ve got nothing to hide. But there are things I don’t want to share. I have things to be ashamed of, And those things are mine, not something for others to have on me. My authenticity is mine to be proud of, Or deal with. My curiosity Is not a right to someone else’s truths. […]
via The Truth of Me — The Chatter Blog